Paradox

Okay. These paragraphs may be a little off at some point, because I’ve been trying to let these thoughts out of my head for years. I feel pessimistic though, whether writing it out here will suppress it or not, but might as well give it a try. 

It has been almost a month and a half since I have been a 19 year old. A lot of thoughts have been circulating and I can’t seem to control it any longer. It is sort of distressing and slightly distracting in a way transforming one’s self to a better person in understanding the world.

If that even makes sense.

You see, I always ask myself, “Who is the society that makes me the way I am now?”. Now I can finally say that it is a matter of perspective, who changes or makes your personality depends on which angle you see it. People always say, “They make this thing happen.” But who are they? All I see is people pointing fingers for the changes that happens in the world.

In my opinion, when I zoom out that idea, people changes each other. I don’t know why but this thought has always been lingering on my head since forever and it taught me to see how stupid it is to blame other people for the wrongdoings, moreover it made me realize that I can’t cut myself some slack by making excuses for what I did wrong.

I feel allergic and betrayed myself by writing my thoughts out here. For all I know, all the things I write here can be used against me as I learned it from a first-hand experience. What happen was ignorance and fury combined with unlimited internet access. So since then I felt reluctant whenever I decided to write something on the web. But I have to let those negative thinking aside and start all over again, and this time I have to be more careful of my words and compile which thoughts should I write in here.

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