A Prized Rat in a Maze

There will be that small tab on your top right marked “Achievement Unlocked: He Said She Said” when you remember every character’s words on every scene in one movie. Particularly if that’s your favorite movie. (combining PS4 and life isn’t such a bad idea)

The idea of an escapism is elevated by watching that one moving-picture. Your whole crappy day suddenly crumpled and goes into the waste-paper basket. It’s a nice feeling, liberated even.

I have been lodging since a week ago, and it was nice. Everything is at my disposal and I can do whatever I want without anyone else pulling a weird look. Except for strangers next door… But yeah, you get the picture, right?

Suddenly though, I get homesick. A little bit unsettling and it’s there. Like an imaginary being, lounging next to me, reminding me of what the circumstance would be like at home. It was there, the feeling of home but I know it’s uncool because I just experience what it feels like to do stuff alone. But I’ve never been more alone in my life than last few days. I read it around The Guardian somewhere that when you feel alone, there’s nothing better than to accept that feeling. Then a weekend wouldn’t feel like a long time.

So I didn’t come home.

Embracing loneliness has never been so… difficult. I thought I’ve been alone before, when I was at home but it’s different with this one. This is advanced loneliness. It consumes you whole. You thought of talking through social media, or constantly on your phone through instagram would make it better but it justifies your lonesome behavior even more. I hear myself think, but it’s not the usual pep-talk. It’s constant homesick self telling you to go home.

“No, being here is fine too.” I reassure myself.

Instead, I watched every single thing I never got the chance to at home. From Sense8 to Orange is the New Black, then Outlander, followed by Deadpool. Lastly though, the one thing that make things fine is Pride & Prejudice. Oddly though, it doesn’t look boring at all with the expected storyline and scripts. I recite it along, even.

Then it’s there, achievement is locked.


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