It’s fear, doubt, or anxiety especially over one’s own conduct. Believe me, I’ve checked with Google under the search term ‘Definitions of qualm’. It’s there but barely. For some, it lingers for a longer period and sometimes it never goes away. Others have tried to suppress it with medications or meditations yet it only fades away for a while before it bounces back. The end result is either sadness which oftentimes accompanied by occasional wailing.
All of which, happens for no reason. At times.
I don’t know what I want in life. I’ve lost that touch with writing which is the only thing that might salvaged me from the void I always felt at the bottom of my soul. That feeling crept up on me and just grab hold until I can’t bear to lift it on my shoulder anymore.
I felt fear because I might not have the vitality to do something I love anymore, and because of that I’m no longer me.
I doubt that I’ll ever be able to bounce back from that joy of writing about something ever again. It scared me half to death that my brain wouldn’t be slightly ecstatic over being able to write so passionately about something.
Maybe it’s just me.